Its been awhile

My life has certainly changed since my last blog posts... Those feelings were real, and at the time I remember thinking totally unbearable. As I go to bed tonight I am realizing that my life is perfect. Sure there are things that I wish I would change, and with time I will... I wake up everyday happy, blessed, and so thankful for where I am at. I have a healthy 6 month old, we live with gram and gramps, she gets to see uncles and auntie daily. Her daddy is just a FaceTime away (not ideal, but we love technology). I get to see her shine, smile and laugh, learn, and experience life every single day. I am so fortunate to have a little job that pays the minimal bills we have for now, and am so lucky I have friends and family helping me find a job that will be able to get us out on our own, and standing on my feet.

I am surrounded my people that love and adore me, and it wasn't until last night that I really realized that I have gotta do me, that is it. As long as I am looking out for Oaklee and myself and building the best life for us, I am doing it. I will succeed.

Statement

I might cry myself to sleep every single night for the next 4 months. But the moment my angel comes I know all of this will be worth it....

powerful words

I came across some powerful words this morning by Gordon B. Hinckley 


"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. Don't worry.  It will all work out. Put your trust in God and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us, if we put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings. He will hear our prayers."


I feel especially lately I am so caught up in trying to figure out my future, trying to change something I have no control over... I have lost faith in God, lost faith in his timing, lost faith in his work.  Reading that quote today from Gordon B. Hinckley reminded me that I need to live my life day in and day out for me. That things do happen for a reason, and as hard sometimes as it is to accept that its all part of my plan.


Quite frankly I am sick of writing about a sobby love story, like I have some hard and miserable life. That in fact is not true. 


My life is changing, I am about to have the greatest gift, and best little friend... I just sometime loose sight and get caught up in trying to control the uncontrollable. 

Comfort

"Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?"

This is something I can work on. I find myself talking more then I pray and I'm questioning why? Putting my faith in the lord is allowing myself to feel comfort, and when the going gets tough why not lean on God for strength? He is there to defend you and fight your battles.

Today I am focusing on what I can control, praying for what I desire, and allowing God to fight my battles. The moment I break down that is satin working in my life and since I am smart enough to know that I am going to avoid him.

Pray for me.

Willingness

I have given this a lot of thought...
The Devil has his ways at hurting you, and hurting those around you. We must place our faith in God and let him take over, let him tell us what he has in store for us.
Now tell me if I am wrong...
The Devil is taking over this world because people, including me, are not allowing God to work. We are making excuses like, "It's hard," okay well no shit its hard. If it were easy you wouldn't need that phony excuse. Its satin getting the best of us when we make choices that hurt ourselves and those around us. When we choose to live addictive lifestyles. It will never change overnight, we will still make mistakes but placing that faith in the Lord will eventually break Satin down and give you that part of your life back.

God wont work and fight for you until you are willing to work and fight for yourself.

With agency we have choice, and.the first second you allow God in and really welcome him into your life. Then allow him to take over your battle you will be so shocked how many wonderful things you have been missing out on.

Simplicity

I am confident in my own skin, its beautiful and I just realized today. I have things figured out for the most part. No matter what gets thrown my way I can handle it.
I go to school daily feeling beautiful, just rolled out of bead sweats and all. I don't need to be "glammed" up.
I am in love, and in love with myself. I allow people in my life that aren't right for me, but the more I think about it, they are there for a reason. They are there so I can be an example to them, be that solid rock and support system.
I count my blessings daily, my family which is my foundation and my daddy watching over me above. I've got it all...and what I don't have either I will work to get, or I don't want. Its simple.
I don't need a man telling me my worth, if he doesn't see what I see he is the one that is twisted anyway. I don't need anyone. I need me! and.. I love that.

Very Convincing

I'd like to think its common, but in all reality I know it's not.

I make things up in my head, make excuses and lies to make things seem better. I convince myself theses lies are true, and I believe it. It's a sickness. I am not able to tell my story like it is. I cannot even be honest with myself. Honesty is something that I value, so why can't I start admitting what is acceptable and not? Why am I not able to face the facts and dysfunction of my own life and call it just that. Dysfunction. Sadi you don't want that. Its DYSFUNCTIONAL.
I need something real. Something that doesn't need a good story behind it to be justified.