Disney

Where did October go? Since Oaklee is a sleep, work is done for the moment, and my house is clean I have a few minutes to post what we did this October.

First and for most… Disneyland! Happiest Place On Earth! It was Oaklee and Jamaine's first time ever going. I think I was more excited to go then the both of them combined.

Jamaine was already in California "working" and Oaklee and I flew in early one morning. I woke Oaklee up at 6 am, mind you she usually doesn't get up until 8 or 9.. so it was an early morning for her. She slept about 30 minutes on the flight so I thought for sure she would sleep in the car on our way to Disney, but no she didn't! Jamaine was making comments that she better not sleep so she could get his "moneys worth" haha.

Once we got the LA, Jamaine was there waiting to pick us up - Oaklee was literally so excited she hugged him for 20 minutes straight. Cutest thing ever. She missed her daddy. She didn't want to take her eye off of him all day. Any chance she got to get out of the stroller she would cling to him. He was in Oaklee heaven.

Ok, so back to the point of telling you why her sleep or lack there of plays in. She did not nap the ENTIRE day at Disney. She was an angel baby too! It was so much to take in for a little 1 year old. Daddy def got his "moneys worth"

We left around 6 the first day to go to our hotel in Hunnington. Jamaine outdid himself, We were right on the ocean. It was so pretty! We thought that Oaklee would sleep soundly through the night because she didn't get any sleep all day. We were wrong. She had night terrors all night and was up hourly screaming and crying.. it was brutal.

But we got up the next day with smiles on our faces, at least I did, and headed back to Disney and California Adventures. Oaklee was so pleasant again, she was soaking it all up! She did nap however at lunch and that was good for her and us.

Our favorite rides were: Mermaid, Poo, Bugs Land, Mickey's Toon Town, the carousel, Dumbo, and Tarzan. We also loved the parades that were put on throughout the day.

As far as characters go, she was a little scared. She loved them from a distance, but as soon as we got close she was terrified. So after about the fourth one we stopped waiting in line to get her picture. We would just show her and that was good enough for her.

We spend Wednesday enjoying Hunnington Beach. We took Oaklee on a run and then rented some bikes and went up and down the ocean. She was loving it for the first 20 minutes and then it was cold and she was miserable… She kept saying "da da da da da" Cold and tired are not the best combos for a baby. :( It was fun though, and I am so glad we went!

We then drove to Vegas and stayed with my grandpa for a few days. It was fun to play at the pool, eat good food, and meet his new Fiancee Yulia. My little fishy loved the water, she started to jump in on her own and was LOVING it.

We drove home Friday after playing at the pool all day and she slept the ENTIRE 6 hour drive! What a sweet little girl, huh?! Her poor back was bruised from sitting in her car seat for that long. It felt good to be home, but I am ready to go again! 

Happy Life

My girlfriend asked me the other day about blogging, and it has had me itching to get back. I love being able to look back on life and remember the little moments that slip my mind. 

Oaklee is 15 months, a diva, with more personality then I know how to handle sometimes. She stuck her pointer finger out at me the other day and said "don't" all because I took MY phone away. I was taken back, but also a little proud that I have such a smartie on my hands. Smart and sassy, just like her mommma. I guess I have no one else to blame but myself. Ok, I try and blame it on Jamaine, but lets be honest anyone that knows me -- knows where she gets it from. I am okay with that, heck I turned out okay! 

We have our own place again, and this time I bought all the furniture in my apartment, besides Oaklee's room, we already had that thanks to our lovely family and friends. But, I must say I have really enjoyed buying and decorating. Its MINE and I love it! There is much more to do, but with time and more money it will come. 

Speaking of money. This chick landed a FULL TIME SALARY JOB. Holy crap, right? I never thought I would see the day. The best part is I get to work from home, my meetings are scheduled on my time. Its fantastic. I love what I do! 

Oaklee started going to daycare three times a week, a month ago. I must admit I had anxiety the first week or two, I am not sure if she was having a hard time or if it was all me. We both have adjusted and I enjoy having me time. She is doing so well there and gets along with the other kids great. The only thing I dont like is the constant runny nose that she has had lately. Daycare is to blame for that.

We spent our summer in Texas and enjoyed it. Oaklee was able to see her Johnson grandparents often, and loved going to the pool everyday. I loved the pool too :) From Texas we "moved" to NYC. I took an internship out there.. and LOVED it, but after spending 10 days and over 2,000 on hotels I decided it wasn't the best fit for Oaklee and I. Oh how I miss it so much, and wish more then anything it could have worked. However, I know... Everything happens for a reason, and for that I am grateful. I am so happy where I am in my life. 

A few weeks ago, I started advertising my photography (on insta and fb.. dont know if that is really advertising) and have already booked 6 shoots. I absolutely LOVE taking pictures, and the extra income is sure nice. 

Well, I am back!! Expect to see more from me. 

XOXO

All You Need Is L O V E

Happy Valentines Day

I never thought it was possible to LOVE someone so much. Miss Oaklee's first Valentine's day, well first Valentines day week. She has been wearing red and pink all week! Its safe to say I love LOVE! Since she got her 6 month pictures and I didn't have a good reason to send an announcment, or party invite out... I thought hey we will do Valentine's. So here it is. Oaklee's first Valentine!  

Give Love

Be Amazing

Choose Happiness

Be Peaceful

Feel Beautiful

 

 

The focus of my week

Happy Birthday!!

Happy 24th Birthday Jamaine! Miss Oaklee is so lucky to have such an amazing Dad. The way she looks at you, and laughs with you is like nothing else. We hope you have such a great day, and know we wish we were there with you to celebrate!!

We may or may not have had a mini photo shoot today! And yes for all those wondering, I did make this banner for Jamaine. Turned out cute, huh? I surprise myself daily... I am becoming more artistic :)

Who Would Have Thought

Normally we hear compaints about how one needs to loose weight, I have been in that boat a time or two.. okay maybe ten times. This year I wanted to have a healthy body image. I am so proud as to how far I have come, but am starting to question, is it too far?
Recieving multiple comments about how skinny I am has become flattering. However, it wasn't until today when I got dressed into my Jr. year of high school jeans, (I know, I have clothing seperation anxitety, and hate to give the expensive stuff away), and did the normal turn around in the mirror that I realized they are HUGE on me.  I look like I am wearing Oaklee's diaper and its full of a lot of #2's. Sexy right?? haha wrong.
What do I even do, I love exercising, and I eat like a fat kid.. Don't get me wrong, I love being skinny, but would like my booty back, and a little muscle in my legs. It's safe to say J was right and I need to get some serious squatting in...

Its been awhile

My life has certainly changed since my last blog posts... Those feelings were real, and at the time I remember thinking totally unbearable. As I go to bed tonight I am realizing that my life is perfect. Sure there are things that I wish I would change, and with time I will... I wake up everyday happy, blessed, and so thankful for where I am at. I have a healthy 6 month old, we live with gram and gramps, she gets to see uncles and auntie daily. Her daddy is just a FaceTime away (not ideal, but we love technology). I get to see her shine, smile and laugh, learn, and experience life every single day. I am so fortunate to have a little job that pays the minimal bills we have for now, and am so lucky I have friends and family helping me find a job that will be able to get us out on our own, and standing on my feet.

I am surrounded my people that love and adore me, and it wasn't until last night that I really realized that I have gotta do me, that is it. As long as I am looking out for Oaklee and myself and building the best life for us, I am doing it. I will succeed.

Statement

I might cry myself to sleep every single night for the next 4 months. But the moment my angel comes I know all of this will be worth it....

powerful words

I came across some powerful words this morning by Gordon B. Hinckley 


"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. Don't worry.  It will all work out. Put your trust in God and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us, if we put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings. He will hear our prayers."


I feel especially lately I am so caught up in trying to figure out my future, trying to change something I have no control over... I have lost faith in God, lost faith in his timing, lost faith in his work.  Reading that quote today from Gordon B. Hinckley reminded me that I need to live my life day in and day out for me. That things do happen for a reason, and as hard sometimes as it is to accept that its all part of my plan.


Quite frankly I am sick of writing about a sobby love story, like I have some hard and miserable life. That in fact is not true. 


My life is changing, I am about to have the greatest gift, and best little friend... I just sometime loose sight and get caught up in trying to control the uncontrollable. 

Comfort

"Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?"

This is something I can work on. I find myself talking more then I pray and I'm questioning why? Putting my faith in the lord is allowing myself to feel comfort, and when the going gets tough why not lean on God for strength? He is there to defend you and fight your battles.

Today I am focusing on what I can control, praying for what I desire, and allowing God to fight my battles. The moment I break down that is satin working in my life and since I am smart enough to know that I am going to avoid him.

Pray for me.

Willingness

I have given this a lot of thought...
The Devil has his ways at hurting you, and hurting those around you. We must place our faith in God and let him take over, let him tell us what he has in store for us.
Now tell me if I am wrong...
The Devil is taking over this world because people, including me, are not allowing God to work. We are making excuses like, "It's hard," okay well no shit its hard. If it were easy you wouldn't need that phony excuse. Its satin getting the best of us when we make choices that hurt ourselves and those around us. When we choose to live addictive lifestyles. It will never change overnight, we will still make mistakes but placing that faith in the Lord will eventually break Satin down and give you that part of your life back.

God wont work and fight for you until you are willing to work and fight for yourself.

With agency we have choice, and.the first second you allow God in and really welcome him into your life. Then allow him to take over your battle you will be so shocked how many wonderful things you have been missing out on.

Simplicity

I am confident in my own skin, its beautiful and I just realized today. I have things figured out for the most part. No matter what gets thrown my way I can handle it.
I go to school daily feeling beautiful, just rolled out of bead sweats and all. I don't need to be "glammed" up.
I am in love, and in love with myself. I allow people in my life that aren't right for me, but the more I think about it, they are there for a reason. They are there so I can be an example to them, be that solid rock and support system.
I count my blessings daily, my family which is my foundation and my daddy watching over me above. I've got it all...and what I don't have either I will work to get, or I don't want. Its simple.
I don't need a man telling me my worth, if he doesn't see what I see he is the one that is twisted anyway. I don't need anyone. I need me! and.. I love that.

Very Convincing

I'd like to think its common, but in all reality I know it's not.

I make things up in my head, make excuses and lies to make things seem better. I convince myself theses lies are true, and I believe it. It's a sickness. I am not able to tell my story like it is. I cannot even be honest with myself. Honesty is something that I value, so why can't I start admitting what is acceptable and not? Why am I not able to face the facts and dysfunction of my own life and call it just that. Dysfunction. Sadi you don't want that. Its DYSFUNCTIONAL.
I need something real. Something that doesn't need a good story behind it to be justified.

Cleanse

The worst part is knowing what is the worst thing for you.... you want. Like wanting something you can't have.. or you can and it eats at you until you get rid of it...

Not that its garbage, but I need a life cleanse. First by force, now by choice.

Each day I grow stronger and stronger, sure there are days I am weak, feel lost, broken, hurt... all the above -- blah blah blah. But I start every day off NEW, and fresh. I set goals, make my self promises. When I feel like giving up, giving in... I dont. Because I can honestly say for the first time in my life I don't want my past. I deserve better, Im ready.

kdajsdasa. Blah.

The dysfunction I have allowed is beyond me... I know my worth, and not only that I am highly intelligent. From an outsider looking in I would call the dummy in my shoes.... well, a dummy.  As I attempt to remain calm, remain silent, and allow God to romance me I feel like my heart is pounding so hard, nearly out of my chest. My blood is literally boiling. I want this madness to disappear.


Blahhh... :(

Kneel.

Its been a while... and the "while" has been good.
Pouring my life's frustration out... whelp, again here it goes.

Like always the one person I need more of in my life is God, and it is only my fault, I am the one to blame. I notice that I pray for him and ask him for help when I am hurting and when I need his strength. I never get down on two knees and thank him for all the wonderful things and all of the days where I feel satisfied with my life. That is an issue, and something I need to work on.
I have so many blessings, there are many that I don't understand, I probably wont tomorrow either, but in due time I know God will give me a reason. I know he puts people in my life to help me and hurt me... but its all a plan. God has s plan for me, and instead of trying to figure it out and resist, I need to, for the second time in my life let him take over, let God romance me.

The small things that seem to consume my day in a month or a year when I look back will be so silly and  I will have wished that I didn't let them bother me... However I am only human so I cant help but hurt, I cant help but let the small things consume. Until now... I am making the choice to just give each irritating thing 1 minute then moving on. Things I cant control minimum 30 seconds.

How practical is this all? I feel like I am talking out of my ass really. Hmm.. Well Fake it Until You Make It.... 

Here it goes.

God Romance

God please romance me.
Although it's not the hardest thing I've faced it still hurts. In the moment of pain, I'll remain silent. I'll let God in my life, he has my plan, and he runs me. I'm letting you take over God.  Please fill my heart and give me strength. I NEED you God.

Checkyouself before it recksyou!

When is Enough really Enough? I don't know when I will break, when I will crumble, when I wont physically, mentally, emotionally be able to take the beating. This highs are high, I feel indestructible. The lows are low, I gasp for air. I want neutral. I'm afraid I want to make someone what it isn't. I want more for myself. Whether it's here or elsewhere I am making it happen. Respect me, love me, cherish me....When you are the best you can get the best. Be the best...
This is a personal reality check.

repeat

"Get skinny" playlist on repeat.

I want to be better for me. I want my body to feel better, I want to look better, I what to be comfortable and confident in my own skin. Standing naked I want to not pinch or pull, not wish or hope. I need to look at myself with respect, with confidence, without placing judgement. 

Lacking confidence is not sexy... gotta get back the umphhh

Its more then a playlist. The truth is I feel so hurt, so lost, so out of good logical words. I have been betrayed. I have chosen to let my confidence go, chosen to let someone else determine my value.

I want strength--that no matter who chooses to belittle me, hurt me, not see me for my true worth to let them pass from my life. Without respecting yourself you cant expect someone else to respect you. 

God is Good

Stole the idea from someone else's blog... it's great. God is good.

I am not confident

I don’t even like myself

I am such a sinner

I am so mean and bossy

I can be selfish and arrogant

At times I am too aggressive

Other times I have attitude

I am drama

I am focused on the bad things and find it hard to see the good 

I mess up relationships

I am not where I want to be in life goals or in Christ

Fortunately I am redeemed

Fortunately I am saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ

Who is working on me, changing me, molding me

Fortunately this life is not about me

Fortunately I am attempting to become more Christ-like everyday

Thankfully God is in ultimate control and not me

Today is a new day, a new chance to get right with God

To get on board with His agenda and priorities and plan for my life!

Often time I try to control everything! First I must take my Dad's advice. Control what you can. Second I need to realize that God has a plan for me and need to just roll with the punches. Allow myself to feel.