As the year of first comes to an end I find myself becoming weak, loosing faith, and distancing myself.. I have so much to reflect on…
Easter, Fathers day, Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines.. Not to mention everyday life.
Moments that are supposed to be happy, are hard. I STRUGGLE.
Although it was the HAREST year of my life. I have so much to be grateful for.
Family is the most important thing to me.
I finally have a SISITER. She is so beautiful, and has brought me so much joy. I know how much my dad would have loved her!
I have the four most amazing brothers on Earth they have given me hope, faith, and strength to be able to make it through the year. We all do miss our Daddy and they provide me with a great reminder that my Dad loves me so much. I see so much of my dad in them, he still lives - through them.
My mother is a saint, literally, always puts us first. Takes the time to listen, give advice, lets me cry, but most importantly takes weight off my shoulders. She lets me be mean and vicious and still loves me more and more each day.
Quint too, he doesn’t get a lot of credit but he has had to step up and not only has he helped my mom he has helped all 5 of us.
I am allergic to my tears.
Who would have thought it was possible! Well after crying for a straight 365 days I don’t think my body, especially under my eyes, loves me! I love crying. It lets out so much frustration that I have for my dad. It also helps me see the world a little more clear.
I am oversensitive and weak, yet so strong and determined
I’ve been hard to handle, my mom told me just the other day that when I come home its hard. I’d like to still blame it on my dad.. but I have come to terms with myself that he has been gone nearly a year. Some days might be harder then others but everyone is fighting some kind of battle of their own. I am entitled to be sad, but my bitterness doesn’t need to come out. I am determined to be normal, to let the small stuff slide.
Mainly I just miss my Dad more then I can explain in words, I am so frustrated with him for leaving me… Yes I’m selfish. I’ve had my way since day one, literally… so when something is taken from my life and is unable to be replaced its weird. Not to mention my dad.
Since he left my thought is “ How is this my reality” I am still looking for an answer.
I still remember the last time I saw him, our last facebook conversation, his last text message, the last time he called me.. All but seeing him it was the day he left. I wish more then anything, I didn’t have to say that.
Cherish those who are strong enough to stick by your side. <3
