Pages

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Cleanse

The worst part is knowing what is the worst thing for you.... you want. Like wanting something you can't have.. or you can and it eats at you until you get rid of it...

Not that its garbage, but I need a life cleanse. First by force, now by choice.

Each day I grow stronger and stronger, sure there are days I am weak, feel lost, broken, hurt... all the above -- blah blah blah. But I start every day off NEW, and fresh. I set goals, make my self promises. When I feel like giving up, giving in... I dont. Because I can honestly say for the first time in my life I don't want my past. I deserve better, Im ready.

Monday, October 10, 2011

kdajsdasa. Blah.

The dysfunction I have allowed is beyond me... I know my worth, and not only that I am highly intelligent. From an outsider looking in I would call the dummy in my shoes.... well, a dummy.  As I attempt to remain calm, remain silent, and allow God to romance me I feel like my heart is pounding so hard, nearly out of my chest. My blood is literally boiling. I want this madness to disappear.


Blahhh... :(

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Kneel.

Its been a while... and the "while" has been good.
Pouring my life's frustration out... whelp, again here it goes.

Like always the one person I need more of in my life is God, and it is only my fault, I am the one to blame. I notice that I pray for him and ask him for help when I am hurting and when I need his strength. I never get down on two knees and thank him for all the wonderful things and all of the days where I feel satisfied with my life. That is an issue, and something I need to work on.
I have so many blessings, there are many that I don't understand, I probably wont tomorrow either, but in due time I know God will give me a reason. I know he puts people in my life to help me and hurt me... but its all a plan. God has s plan for me, and instead of trying to figure it out and resist, I need to, for the second time in my life let him take over, let God romance me.

The small things that seem to consume my day in a month or a year when I look back will be so silly and  I will have wished that I didn't let them bother me... However I am only human so I cant help but hurt, I cant help but let the small things consume. Until now... I am making the choice to just give each irritating thing 1 minute then moving on. Things I cant control minimum 30 seconds.

How practical is this all? I feel like I am talking out of my ass really. Hmm.. Well Fake it Until You Make It.... 

Here it goes.