Comfort

"Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?"

This is something I can work on. I find myself talking more then I pray and I'm questioning why? Putting my faith in the lord is allowing myself to feel comfort, and when the going gets tough why not lean on God for strength? He is there to defend you and fight your battles.

Today I am focusing on what I can control, praying for what I desire, and allowing God to fight my battles. The moment I break down that is satin working in my life and since I am smart enough to know that I am going to avoid him.

Pray for me.

Willingness

I have given this a lot of thought...
The Devil has his ways at hurting you, and hurting those around you. We must place our faith in God and let him take over, let him tell us what he has in store for us.
Now tell me if I am wrong...
The Devil is taking over this world because people, including me, are not allowing God to work. We are making excuses like, "It's hard," okay well no shit its hard. If it were easy you wouldn't need that phony excuse. Its satin getting the best of us when we make choices that hurt ourselves and those around us. When we choose to live addictive lifestyles. It will never change overnight, we will still make mistakes but placing that faith in the Lord will eventually break Satin down and give you that part of your life back.

God wont work and fight for you until you are willing to work and fight for yourself.

With agency we have choice, and.the first second you allow God in and really welcome him into your life. Then allow him to take over your battle you will be so shocked how many wonderful things you have been missing out on.

Simplicity

I am confident in my own skin, its beautiful and I just realized today. I have things figured out for the most part. No matter what gets thrown my way I can handle it.
I go to school daily feeling beautiful, just rolled out of bead sweats and all. I don't need to be "glammed" up.
I am in love, and in love with myself. I allow people in my life that aren't right for me, but the more I think about it, they are there for a reason. They are there so I can be an example to them, be that solid rock and support system.
I count my blessings daily, my family which is my foundation and my daddy watching over me above. I've got it all...and what I don't have either I will work to get, or I don't want. Its simple.
I don't need a man telling me my worth, if he doesn't see what I see he is the one that is twisted anyway. I don't need anyone. I need me! and.. I love that.

Very Convincing

I'd like to think its common, but in all reality I know it's not.

I make things up in my head, make excuses and lies to make things seem better. I convince myself theses lies are true, and I believe it. It's a sickness. I am not able to tell my story like it is. I cannot even be honest with myself. Honesty is something that I value, so why can't I start admitting what is acceptable and not? Why am I not able to face the facts and dysfunction of my own life and call it just that. Dysfunction. Sadi you don't want that. Its DYSFUNCTIONAL.
I need something real. Something that doesn't need a good story behind it to be justified.

Cleanse

The worst part is knowing what is the worst thing for you.... you want. Like wanting something you can't have.. or you can and it eats at you until you get rid of it...

Not that its garbage, but I need a life cleanse. First by force, now by choice.

Each day I grow stronger and stronger, sure there are days I am weak, feel lost, broken, hurt... all the above -- blah blah blah. But I start every day off NEW, and fresh. I set goals, make my self promises. When I feel like giving up, giving in... I dont. Because I can honestly say for the first time in my life I don't want my past. I deserve better, Im ready.

kdajsdasa. Blah.

The dysfunction I have allowed is beyond me... I know my worth, and not only that I am highly intelligent. From an outsider looking in I would call the dummy in my shoes.... well, a dummy.  As I attempt to remain calm, remain silent, and allow God to romance me I feel like my heart is pounding so hard, nearly out of my chest. My blood is literally boiling. I want this madness to disappear.


Blahhh... :(

Kneel.

Its been a while... and the "while" has been good.
Pouring my life's frustration out... whelp, again here it goes.

Like always the one person I need more of in my life is God, and it is only my fault, I am the one to blame. I notice that I pray for him and ask him for help when I am hurting and when I need his strength. I never get down on two knees and thank him for all the wonderful things and all of the days where I feel satisfied with my life. That is an issue, and something I need to work on.
I have so many blessings, there are many that I don't understand, I probably wont tomorrow either, but in due time I know God will give me a reason. I know he puts people in my life to help me and hurt me... but its all a plan. God has s plan for me, and instead of trying to figure it out and resist, I need to, for the second time in my life let him take over, let God romance me.

The small things that seem to consume my day in a month or a year when I look back will be so silly and  I will have wished that I didn't let them bother me... However I am only human so I cant help but hurt, I cant help but let the small things consume. Until now... I am making the choice to just give each irritating thing 1 minute then moving on. Things I cant control minimum 30 seconds.

How practical is this all? I feel like I am talking out of my ass really. Hmm.. Well Fake it Until You Make It.... 

Here it goes.